so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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