whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
