Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
