I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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