Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
