didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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