Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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