She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
