Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
