how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Randomize
