Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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