I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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