chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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