why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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