I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
