Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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