why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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