An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
