Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
