OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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