At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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