We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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