I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
