whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
