Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
