I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
