I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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