Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
