so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
