You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize