i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
