You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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