Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
