I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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