She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
