he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
