Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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