just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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