Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize