yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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