Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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