i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
