I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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