these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
