I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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