I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
