I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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