i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
