Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
