You can't special order awesome
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
