You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
