I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
