This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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