if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
