I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
