we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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