I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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