So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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