i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
