I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
