she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize