i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So much rum. So many feels.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
