im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
