I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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