Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
