Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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