Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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