you have to choose: penises or morals?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize