y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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