She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
