IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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