porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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